Wake up feeling....

G U I L T Y 

Yesterday, just before we when to bed, Al-Farrel was like always. Happy and playful..

My friends came and left about midnight. Still, Farrel was happy and playful..

Okay it's pass midnight, passed his bed time as well. Just about I wanted to put him to bed, he cried.. cried like he wants to play and don't want to sleep -yet!. 

At one point.

I upset and scolded him. 

I said,' Al- tidur  la bonda penat esok kerja..' I tarik tangan dia and baring dengan I (and I know I was bit rough)

Not feeling Guilty -yet!.

He cried still.

Bonda: Ughh! Kenapa nii??

I switched on the light and looking at him, he's eyes was close. Sleepy face but his mouth opened and cried. 

It was 2.20 in the morning

at that particular moment I panic and know something's not right here

G U I L T Y!

Omg! All I can do was beristighfar..

Kenapa dengan anak aku ni..

Kenapa aku merungut ni..

( the first time ever I merungut!)

Kenapa aku tarik tangan dia ni..

 Astaghfirullah hal Azim.

I have a feeling yang he had upset stomach. I know. 

G U I L T Y 

I bangun ambil wudhu. I hugged him tight. I fed him. I kissed and I felt very sorry to him. I should never said that (okay, I'm crying now!) Then, he feels better.. 

It doesn't stop there. He woke up at 3.30am/ 4.50am/ 7.00am and cried again. The same process.

But that time I kinda know it. And I learned my lesson.

I feel very very very very very badddd! I regret it! I don't sleep at all at that 2.20am incident. OMG Al-Farrel bonda miss jaga you kat rumah. Bonda miss hang out dengan you 24/7. Bonda miss tgk you smile and learn new things every second every day! 

Bonda miss everything about us together everyday all day!

Bonda miss masa kita kat states, just you and me!

I feel like I'mma bad mom, kan korang?

I feel very very very veryyyy bad! I regret it!

;/

Today masuk office lambat 10.am and now I can't wait to go home and spend my time with Al-Farrel. 

I love you to the bones baby! 

Unconditional love,

Bonda